Mistle-no
by PerpetualExistence
Summary: A single plant causes a lot of drama that may or may not have been hiding underneath the surface. Takes place right after the Christmas Special and contains slight spoliers. MaxPres one-shot.


This was a Secret Santa gift for punnygecko since she requested MaxPres, so I just went nuts with the idea. I know it's a couple days after Christmas that I actually decided to post it, but I was busy (and nervous to post my first fanfic), but it's here now, so enjoy~

* * *

"Oh for fuck's sake." Max said as he looked up at the hated plant. It was honestly inevitable that somebody would get too overboard with this fake Christmas. There was a variety of suspects, but the most likely were David, Nikki, or god forbid that playwright idiot Preston. Max knew that Preston was the definition of overboard, yet he still found himself surprised when Preston dressed himself in nothing but a diaper in the middle of a freak snowstorm. Then again, this stupid fucking camp was constantly lowering his expectations for humanity. Preston was just one of many screwups in this place.

He shouldn't even be giving the dramatic nutcase much thought. Where was he? Oh right, planning on ways to destroy the mistletoe. He'd need a ladder at least to get it down, but that would just encourage whoever put it up to replace it. He needed to send a message. A burning mistletoe in the middle of the mess hall would do it. He could get Neil to help him keep Nikki away so she doesn't get depressed from him 'ruining the spirit of Christmas'. Great, good solid plan. He just needed his partner in crime and Jesus Christ what the hell just hit him on the head?

"Oh, sorry Max!" Preston apologized while carrying a headless gingerbread sheep in his arms. "Fuck! DOLPH WE NEED ANOTHER SHEEP!"

Max could hear frustrated screaming coming from the kitchen. "The hell is he doing in there?"

"We decided he should hide the nativity scene since SOME PEOPLE kept on trying to- YOU'RE EATING IT RIGHT NOW!"

"It broke off and hit my head. Pretty sure that makes me entitled to it." Max said as he took another bite of the broken sheep head he had picked up from the floor. Five second rule his ass.

"You HEATHEN! Don't you understand? This is ART! Background scenery is just as important to the play as the actor himself. It sets the atmosphere while the actor sets the tone. It is the actor's job to manipulate the scenery, own it and make it glorious-"

Crap, Preston was monologuing again. Max should just flip him off and walk away (not run away because that would make it seem as if he gave a shit), but Preston had longer legs and could outpace him easily. Waiting it out and nodding his head was his best option. He just had to put a solid effort to ignore every word he said, though it was a lot harder than when he tried doing it with any other person for whatever reason. Not genuine interest though. Never that.

"-And honestly you've been listening this whole time and you STILL ate the whole head! You even still have crumbs on your hair from earlier!" Without warning, Preston set down the rest of the sheep, invaded his personal space and began to brush away the crumbs with his hand. On instinct, Max swatted Preston's arm away.

"Why the hell did you do that?!"

"I-I was just trying to help you since you obviously weren't going to do it yourself!" Preston said. And oh my god Preston was actually blushing like a fucking tomato. Of course he'd take this way farther than he had to, Max shouldn't expect anything else from that goddamn idiot. Well no, he was going to set this asshole straight but now he felt as if they had an audience.

"You two kissed under the mistletoe? Nice." Ered commented as she walked closer.

"Hell no! Why the fuck would you think that shit?!" Max asked. He knew he should have burned that little fucker when he had the chance. He _knew_ it. It was a little bastard that created lies and these kids fed off lies like piranhas.

"Come on. You guys are both hella red right now."

Wait. Both? No. No no no he was _not_ blushing over someone like Preston being an oblivious idiot and invading his personal space. That's what happened in stupid romcoms and not real life, which is what this was and was the reality where Preston was nothing more than that theater idiot fanatic who made Shakespeare references every five seconds and had yelling problems. None of these were traits that anyone should find endearing ever, and everyone else were dumbasses to think otherwise.

"Th-that is simply because we were yelling at each other! Yes! Max was helping me practice for the dramatic finish to the nativity!" Preston yelped. For an 'actor', he was fucking terrible at coming up with lies. Anyone with half a brain would know that Max would never do anything remotely close to helping for anyone, especially not for Preston. Not that he hated Preston more than the others because that implied that he cared for him more than the others. No, he hated everyone equally, everyone including Preston.

"In that case you have to kiss now. Come on, it's like tradition or whatever." Ered said.

"Oh FUCK that!" Max said, backing away a bit too quickly for apathy but right now he was more concerned about the twinkle in the teenage wannabe's eyes right now.

He could see her moving behind Preston before that idiot could realize what was happening. The fucking moron. Couldn't he see that she was about to push him into Max and now Preston was falling and now he was on Max and now their lips were pressed against each other and was Preston pushing his lips by choice or was that just gravity and this actually didn't seem like the worst possible thing in comparison to all of the other shitty things in Max's life and oh god what was he thinking.

He scrambled out from under Preston, saying nothing but flipping both of them off.

"Nice." was all that motherfucker had to say for herself.

Max glanced over at Preston, and that boy just looked like a mess. His face was even redder than it was before, and for once he was actually silent. Preston didn't say a word as he jumped up and ran away. Probably towards the theater since he practically lived there. The idiot wouldn't last with his current clothes.

Max was running now. He didn't know when exactly he had started running, or really why he was running, but he knew where he was going at least.

He spotted Preston sobbing and eating more of his gingerbread nativity. The ideal image of a heartbroken girl in TV dramas. Figures.

"What? Did you come here to further humiliate me?" Preston asked as he decapitated a camel.

"I came here to tell you that you're a mess. And that Ered's a fucking asshole."

"Then why did you flip me off?"

"I was fucking surprised! You should know that's my go to for anything."

"That just made it look like you were disgusted!"

"I wasn't, dipshit! I just hate everything because humanity's a joke at this point!"

"So you're saying you hate me then?!"

"No! I mean, not more than anyone else! Why the fuck are you making such a big deal out of this?!"

"Because maybe it could have happened!"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"Maybe I would have wanted to? I don't know!"

"Why the hell would you have wanted to?!"

"I literally just said I don't know!"

"I have absolutely zero redeeming qualities unless you've been blind this whole time, fuckass!"

"You actually stopped complaining about Christmas when Nikki said why she liked it!"

"That's one fucking incident!"

"You listen to all my monologues!"

"That's because I'm a lovestruck idiot!"

"Well I'm also a lovestruck idiot!"

...Did Preston actually say that out loud? Did _Max_? What the hell even was this conversation? It started out with Max trying to comfort him, and...why the hell had he even wanted to do that so badly? God, this day had been turned into such a mess that Max didn't even know where to begin with it. But Preston's stupid mouth wasn't about to open itself anytime soon.

"...I'm going back to the mess hall." Max said.

"But you just sai-"

"I know what I fucking said. We both need to actually think about this shit."

"But...we can talk about this again soon, right?" Preston asked. He had stopped eating the nativity long ago and was just staring at Max right now. His voice was actually soft now. Vulnerable, really.

"...Yeah. We can." Max replied. He left before Preston could say anything else. So he walked back to the mess hall in silence. The mistletoe. The hair. The kiss. The conversation. The...whatever this was right now. Whatever wouldn't stop going away.

As Max stepped into the mess hall again, Nikki was the first to see him and she ran up to him.

"Heya Max! Why's your face all red?"

Preston, Max thought.

Looks like he had an answer to Preston's unspoken question.

Well shit.


End file.
